Taylor Swift is so right about you.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
