That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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