you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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