You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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