Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
