so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I need to calm my uterus...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
