Ketchup is God's man juice
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
