He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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