I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
