I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
