I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
