i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
