Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Dick very happy bro
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
