Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
