No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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