Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
