its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
