new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
