I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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