Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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