She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
