I wish I could teleport
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
