im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I smell stomach acid.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
