If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
