you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
