pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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