we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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