she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
