I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
