My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
