I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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