i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I touched a dick in church today
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
