i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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