well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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