I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
