Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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