I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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