i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
