I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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