I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Never underestimate the power of titties
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
