My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
