Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
