Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
