First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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