Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
