I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
