Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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