Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
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