Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
