never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
