All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
