ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
