guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
