She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
