i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
its liver damage thursday
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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