Where did you get a picture of my penis
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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