oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
