Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
