It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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